Funny Quotes and jokes about Thanksgiving!

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.  But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.  Only kidding.  It was the cat!  David Letterman 

Erma Bombeck: No One Diets on Thanksgiving. 
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets.  I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?  Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.  Anon

"I love Thanksgiving turkey; it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger 

Anonymous
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs! 

  Ten Historical Thanksgiving Facts

1. Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November in the USA.
2. Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the second Monday in October in Canada.
3. The Plymouth Pilgrims were the first to celebrate the Thanksgiving.
4. They celebrated the first Thanksgiving Day in the fall of 1621.
5. The Wampanoag Indians were the people who taught the Pilgrims how to cultivate the land.
6. The Pilgrim leader, Governor William Bradford, had organized the first Thanksgiving feast in the year 1621 and invited the neighboring Wampanoag Indians also to the feast.
7. The state of New York officially made Thanksgiving Day an annual custom in 1817.
8. The annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade tradition began in the 1920's.
9. Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the USA.
10. By the fall of 1621 only half of the pilgrims, who had sailed on the Mayflower, survived. The survivors, thankful to be alive, decided to hold a Thanksgiving feast.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. 45 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?!" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this!"

She calls her father immediately. "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?"

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "OK," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. What are we going to do for Christmas?"